there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
