So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
