My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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