I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
