the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
