Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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