I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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