I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
