help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
