The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
