wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
