I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
