the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
