The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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