before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
