And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
