they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
