Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
