I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
