he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
