I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
