Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
