He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
