he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
