i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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