Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
