This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
