Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
