I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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