As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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