I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
