Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
