oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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