I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
