I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
