he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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