Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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