i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
