My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
