I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
where does the pee come out of this thing
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
