At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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