The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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