He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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