3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I didn't shave. On purpose
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
