I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
