Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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