I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
