My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
