It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Enjoy the penises
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
