They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
