don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
