I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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