He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
