I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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